What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
