You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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