My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
