he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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