Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
