Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
