I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
