Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
