how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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