Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
