I hate your face
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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