i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
