u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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