I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just want nice things and good sex
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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