Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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