He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
