Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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