yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
