She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
