Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
