just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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