I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
