don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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