I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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