It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
