Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
