I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
false alarm, still single
Randomize
