forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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