She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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