I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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