someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
