Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
