He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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