How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
