If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
