i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
