when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
