What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
