Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
