Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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