dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
