Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
