i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
