We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Found the puke drawer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
