Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
