I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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