: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
