plz talk dirty to me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
