it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
