I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Actions speak louder than pants.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your penis caused this!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
