Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
